21 diciembre 2006

Loco

El tiempo transcurrido en el bar me ha llevado a acostumbrarme a situaciones que para el resto serían complicadas. Lamentablemente el ambiente de la noche no es el mejor y de eso uno se da cuenta cuando está dentro. Así es que me acostumbré a renegar con borrachos, drogadictos, ladrones, traficantes y otros por el estilo. Sin ir mas lejos, anoche eché (con la ayuda del antiguo bartender) a un tipo que evidentemente estaba vendiendo.

Pero hay una clase de personas a la que no creo que nadie se pueda acostumbrar: Los desequilibrados. Y hablo de personas con evidentes y graves problemas mentales y no de simples idiotas que se hacen los locos.

Chispita, como lo conocemos, aparece todas las noches en el bar. Entra, pide un vaso de agua y en lugar de tomarlo sale a la vereda y se lo tira en la cabeza; acto seguido vuelve a entrar, devuelve el vaso y se va. Todos saben que está loco, pero nunca había hecho problemas.

La semana pasada sube al piso de arriba y me da una botella de plástico descartable para que se la guarde. Se acuesta en el piso y empieza a hacer extraños movimientos, luego siguió con una especie de Tai Chi Chuan. Sacó de su mochila ropa, se puso una camisa, un pulover, un buzo, una campera y arriba de todo un cinto con tachas (la temperatura era de unos 35 grados), en el cinto se engancho un trozo de aproximadamente medio metro de tubo de cartón (muy duro).

Se acercó a mi, me pidió que le llene la botella de plástico, la llevó, puso una alfombra en el piso y se arrodillo como hacen los musulmanes sobre la alfombra. Acto seguido se tiró los dos litros de agua en la cabeza.

-Chispita!!! No me tirés agua en el piso que tengo que limpiar!!!- Le grité.

Se paró, caminó despacio a la barra y pidió que me acerque para hablarme al oído, yo me acerque pero antes le pedí a mi amigo "el gringo" que se quede junto a mi por cualquier eventualidad. Chispita dijo:

-Hay cosas que tengo que hacer y no puedo decir porque- Dijo

-No me importa, no tirés agua en el piso-

-Te lo cuento a vos para que no me retes. Yo tengo que mojarme la cabeza cada media hora para no entrar en trance-

-¿Que?- Le dije tratando de contener la carcajada

-Pasa que yo soy un vampiro que nació en el siglo XVII y estoy acá para conocerlos a ustedes que son seres inferiores-

El Gringo no pudo contener la risa y exclamó:

-Es el famoso vampiro enano!!!- En referencia a un conocido chiste cordobés.

Chispita se fue a buscar su mochila, se puso una capa negra, grito algunas palabras inentendibles y acto seguido sacó su tubo de cartón y comenzó a pegarle a cuanta persona se le cruzaba.

Tuvimos que agarrarlo el Barman de Tenebroso Apodo, un motoquero y yo para sacarlo... parece que era cierto lo del trance.

89 comentarios:

Alicia dijo...

quiero saber qué pasa después que le muestra la cruz!!!!!!!!!!!

TT dijo...

Y bueno, ves? Al final fue todo culpa tuya, que te molesta que te tiren dos litros de agua en el piso? Es todo para evitar que el rtance le provoque cosas aún más extrañas.

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Uff, no sé que decir.Increíble y alucinante,verdaderamente alucinante.Está loco, completamente loco.

Bueno, besos y que pases una felices fiestas navideñas y próspero año nuevo.

Gir dijo...

....guauh!, que tipo!!.... siempre es desconcertante estar cerca de personas con desequilibrios mentales, son tan impredecibles y fuertes fisicamente, a pesar de cierta desnutricion....

....en verdad que tienes un florido repertorio de visitantes nocturnos, toda una experiencia...

....saludos!!

loquedigoynomecallo dijo...

-- uta entre locos nos veamos... por acá se reza que "cada pueblo tiene su loquito" y su bar no es la ecepción... ánimo! prevenga unos litros de agua extra por si acaso regresa... un abrazo y felices fiestas!!

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juas juas juas

Pero que bruto.

Me recuerda a cierto portugues que entraba y desde la puerta del local (cafeteria hace mucho tiempo), gritaba que los pantalones eran suyos, la camisa era suya, que no le debia nada a nadie (no llevaba nada más puesto), se desnudaba y se tiraba en medio de la calzada con el consecuente atasco de tráfico.

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